This is something (almost autobiographical in nature) I wrote in the early morning, after an accident that roused me from sleep. It’s mostly about fear: an attempt to describe it for those lucky enough to not feel it follow them around like I do, and how it feels in those moments when I can’t suppress it.
The girl steps into the shower, the door sliding shut with a soft thud behind her. She blows out a breath, shaky and uncertain, and twists the first knob to unleash the torrent of water from above. The water is supposed to strip everything away: not just dirt and dust but guilt, shame, fear – all sloughing off of her body and disappearing down the drain with the water. This is where she is safe.
Continue reading “2.50am”
Remember how I said I’d be posting for each day in Crohn’s and Colitis Awareness Week? And then remember how, immediately afterwards, I didn’t do that? Yeah, me too. I’m the worst, I admit it. Honestly, it’s taking up everything I have just to keep up with uni at the moment with exhaustion kicking in – as you’ll see by the end of this post. I’ve been toying with the idea of doing a day in the life post for quite some time, but always forgot until halfway through the day – until now (or, er, Thursday, which is when this post was originally drafted). So here’s what a fairly typical day looks like for me…
Continue reading “A Day in the Life: May 2017”
It’s the first day of Crohn’s and Colitis Awareness Week – happy #PurpleFriday to you all, and I hope you’re doing well – or if you’re not, that you’re doing as well as you can be right now. I’m hoping to publish one post per day for the entirety of this week. We’ll see how it goes – but to kick-start the process, I thought I’d make it a long one, and share something I’ve never written about in full before: my diagnosis story.
Continue reading “Diagnosis”
It’s Friday! Like every Friday, I’m in a better mood than I have been all week. Today, though, there was an extra spring in my step, because (just like I have every fortnight for the last 10 weeks) I had my Humira shot. And it dawned on me that I’ve gone so long without writing a real blog post – so why not update you on how it’s going so far?
Continue reading “Humira Update: 10 weeks in!”
Hi, my name’s Emma, and I’m kind of a hypocrite. No, wait. Scratch that. Definitely a hypocrite.
I’ve not been having a very good week so far. Monday night saw me eating some Co-Op chunky chips for dinner, and Tuesday morning caught me totally off guard by presenting me with… a partial bowel obstruction. From chips. So I spent the day utterly useless, on my bed, writhing in pain, and tearful because – of course! – the one item I’d forgotten to bring back to university was a hot water bottle, that is, the only item that could have helped me.
Continue reading “recover”
I am having quite a hard day.
There’s not really any single thing making it hard. I woke up at a fairly normal time, spent my customary hour in the bathroom, and then had my usual post-ablutions snooze. Yes, really, the exhaustion is so real that something as simple as emptying my bowels (wow, talk about clinical vocabulary) and taking a shower takes ALL of the energy out of me!!
Continue reading “expectations”
Hi. It’s 4pm (at the time of writing, at least), and honestly, I am knackered.
This is not at all unusual. I typically have a 2-to-3 hour nap most days, because I am just so wiped out all the time. And I don’t even do anything! Today I went to one lecture, came home, ate a hasty lunch, and then went out to a seminar. So, that’s a few hours of sitting down and about half an hour of walking time total. And I feel like I’ve just run five miles. It’s infuriating, and it makes me feel like the laziest being alive.
Continue reading “exhaustion”